Plea of Insanity

There’s hope for a future that shines brightly; I catch glimpses of it in my dreams.

A future in which the pain we’ve suffered through has been laid to rest and redemption reigns.

 

There is a plea of insanity on my tongue.

Yet to lay claim to insanity would indicate there was once a time in which I had been labeled sane.

I’m trying desperately to spit it out yet I am met with obstacles every time.

I know not if it is a curse or a blessing to feel everything so intensely, while simultaneously feeling nothing at all.

As a last resort I have composed a symphony of pleas.

A powerful act it seems to be.

It is a wonder how smooth the words flow from my fingers, as if I were made to bleed.

Just one cut, one prick, one tiny spot to relieve the pressure and let these words be free.

There is silence around me but a crescendo in my mind.

Words rushing out one after the other with an intensity so fierce I am left breathless after such a performance.

Each minute that ticks by mocks me.

I have no choice but to write.

There is no time for rest when there are words still left unsaid.

I’m overwhelmed by emotion at all hours of the day.

But how do I convey every emotion?

Every thought?

Every note?

I see the world in so many different shades.

Even among disaster beauty grows.

There are so many things I must get through to you.

I wish I could share everything.

Spell out each word, sound out each syllable.

Carefully carve the shape of each letter into stone, grant these words that overwhelm me a permanency that will surpass me.

Perhaps then you would begin to understand the turmoil within.

Or see the conflict of interest that occurs when I pick up a pen.

Even now I fear the thoughts of the world if they were to see the intricacies of my brain laid bare.

And yet- there is a voice within me chanting, challenging, saying judge me.

Judge me if you dare.